30 July 2007

got milk?

not for long.

bebe and i are embarking on night three of Night Weaning, which is when he mostly nurses these days.

i. am. tired.

it has been much easier than i thought in some respects. i spent the days leading up to the big first night telling him what was going to happen. he's only cried a little, both nights, and for the shortest of times - but he still wakes up a couple of times and asks for milk. i tell him that nursies are sleeping and they'll wake up when the sun comes up. i tell him to go back to sleep and there will be a little surprise for him in the morning. i tell him that babies nurse and big pirates drink water from a cup. i got him several little finger puppets, and i've been giving him one each morning in honor of his newfound big boy-ness... he is very proud of himself each morning.

no one told me what a bittersweet time this would be. last night, he asked if he could pretend to nurse as he was trying to relax. he sounded so sad. i can't help but wonder if i'm forcing him to stop before he's ready to based on some man-made societal ideal i'm subconsciously conforming to. he has nursed his entire life, literally, from the second he was born. nursing is as natural to him as breathing, and i feel as if i'm ripping it away from him in those moments when he feels sad... we will find new ways to comfort and relax, i know. all of the literature says to nurse, if you can, for the first two years of life. we did. and now that he is a few months past that, i get "the look" when i say he hasn't weaned - followed by a laundry list of how to and why i should. to be fair, i got that a lot when he was 6 months old as well. but i want to do what is best for him. always.

the thought of sleeping through the night for the first time in 3 years is an appealing one - i won't lie. and while i celebrate each of bebe's accomplishments with wild clapping, indescribable happiness, pride, awe and amazement in experiencing my once wee one evolve - i feel a sad tugging in me. it brings tears if i think about it for too long. weaning is yet another remarkable milestone in bebe's life, and at the same time, it is one that ultimately means that he needs me less and less as the days and months and years progress. i felt this way a little when he crawled for the first time, again when he walked, and again as the words came tumbling out. with each change, the tug gets a bit stronger. it isn't always there, but pops up briefly, as an exclamation point that jolts me to my core. as much as i try to live in the moment, knowing it is all we truly have, i can't help but see those tiny feet growing longer and eventually walking through the door to make a life that will be his own.

speaking of tiny feet, they are especially a-patter to and fro today. i think i shall scoop them up and cover them in smooches until he laughs so hard he wiggles away. these days and moments, they go by so quickly since he arrived. i don't want to miss a one. or take any of them for granted.

i never knew that i could love someone so very much... i'm humbled by its ability to choke me up like it does, like i'am right now, just saying all of this out loud.



28 July 2007

why does she hate america?!?!?!

...so after the book burning, you remember that, right? will and tom were invited on a radio show. when will told me where he was headed that morning, i spit my decaf out my nose.

"do you know what station that is?"

"jesus right winger talk radio!" (i mean this in the nicest way possible)
"are you sure?"
"uh, YEAH! who is interviewing you?"
"whomever is on in a half an hour."

i went to the computer to check it out. darla jaye had this to say:

At 10AM, I'll be talking with Tom Wayne, owner of Prospero's Books here in Kansas City . You might have seen the news recently where he was outside his store burning books. Now, as much as those neo-nazi's might find this amusing, I think that's a waste of good literature. So, I'll propose my way to save the pages of time.

"perfect. she says you're neo-nazis. limbaugh is on after her, o'reilly follows him, and neil boortz is also on the roster. she says she has a solution for you. bwahahahahhahaha! have fun with that!"

of course, i listened. i still don't know how i made it through the commercials.

nothing like theater and hypocrisy in the morning with my coffee.

she kept on and on about sending all the books to the troops in iraq. what about afghanistan, thought i. apparently, it is very cheap and easy to ship 20,000 pounds of books overseas. she ended the segment saying that she would personally come get the books and have them delivered to our troops. she vowed. tom told her to call him anytime.

guess who never called? i figured i'd give her a few months to get it done before i wrote a blog post about her. i never doubted for a second that she wouldn't show. darla jaye, why don't you support the troops? why do you hate america?


speaking of which, all of the books from the storage shelter are currently in a pod outside of the bookstore. out of all of those thousands of emails of people saying they wanted the books and not to burn any more, i figured the pod would be empty by now. nope. go figure.

come and get 'em!

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27 July 2007

new blogs i heart!

that i shall promptly be adding to the 'roll... i thought i would introduce them around.

zelleblog. i cringe each time i see that lynn has updated, before i click over. she always makes me think... as in, think hard, 'til my brain hurts, for days. i also want to scrap this blog every time i read her. but she's an inspiration, and makes me want to become a better writer. she also she has FANTASTIC taste in music - and a two year old bebe! ;)

kelso's nuts. this. dude. rocks. found him by way of the above mentioned blog goddess. he walks the talk; he says what he means. i admire that. plus, he's an expatriate. just like yours truly shall be someday. in addition to all of that, he hails from the city that also holds the university where i got my undergrad degree. he must be cool, right?

anti-pornography activist. there is simply just a slew of fantastic information here. go see.



25 July 2007

fashionably late - minus the fashion.

i caught a bit of the youtube/cnn democrat debate late last night, and just found myself more than mildly irritated. suffice it to say, i would give my left arm for a candidate i am throughly excited about at this point.

*when hillary relayed her story about contacting the pentagon and asking about an exit strategy, only to be met with accusations of her being unpatriotic...

*when they said the iraqi government had to take days off because of the heat, while our troops are being picked off one by one. in the heat.

*when the questions repeatedly were not answered or talked completely around using well honed political speak:

question: what is your favorite ice cream?
answer: i enjoy dairy. cows are cool too. you know, when i was a kid growing up in my poor, working class family, we had a cow as a pet. and one for food. i like food, too. everyone should have food, especially kids and old people. and people in other countries that don't have any.
question: you've not said what kind of ice cream you like best.
answer: cows are a source of a great many food stuffs, you know. meat, milk, milk that can be made into cheese... have you seen that great commercial with the happy california cows that make happy cheese? i love that one. it cracks me up.

*WHEN I REALIZED THAT BUSH ET, AL. HAVE SINGLEHANDEDLY CREATED A SITUATION IN IRAQ WHERE AL QUIDA COULD EASILY SLIP IN, ERGO, CREATING A SITUATION WHERE IT WILL BE NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE TO EVER LEAVE - BECAUSE ONLY A FEW ON THAT STAGE BOTHERED TO ASK QUESTIONS BEFORE RUSHING IN - AND THEY WERE NEVER ANSWERED... i know what is done is done, but... please someone, anyone talk me down from this. i'm starting to think that we have let this go on for so long now, that they will be drafting bebe for this b.s. when he comes of age. the longer it continues, the worse it gets. i know the same rhetoric was used in vietnam - that everything would dissolve into utter chaos if we pulled out... and it didn't. but i wonder if this time could be different? i think about daddy bush telling the iraqi people to rise up, that we'd have their back - and we instead left them to be slaughtered. i hate this. it is breaking my heart that i even question pulling the troops out. they. shouldn't. have. been. sent. in. the. first. place. i used to think that our being there was the cause of this new turmoil, that if we were to leave, it would end. but i fear it has gone beyond that. there has to be an end in sight, right? right? so, when? after every last soldier is sent home in a casket? after the people of iraq endure even more psychological terror and death and destruction? wait. that's unpatriotic of me.

*darfur, darfur. two of them said they had been to that refuge camp. and what? u.n. peacekeepers? nato? if there was oil there, we'd be there in a second. not one of them would commit. hillary? "we need more action and less talk." good one. we've needed that for. years.

*the theatrical ire the candidates turned on when necessary - that was clearly forced. especially biden. he wins the melodrama award of the century. the runner up? that cute little gravel dude from alaska. and kucinich kept raising his hand to answer and talking about sending text messages to congress. richardson looked mildly interesting - but mcgovern-esque, lacking that certain je ne sais quoi. obama? can't tell if he's a right winger still or no - though he answered relatively correctly, for what should be expected. edwards does zilch for me.

granted, i didn't see the entire thing. i hope there was something of substance that came across in the parts that i missed. i hope i missed that great shining moment that gives me hope for the future.

*EDIT INSERT* - this was posted in a comment on my other blog. looks like i didn't miss that shining moment after all. perfect:

the debate was very frustrating. Sexism, misogyny and disregard for women ALSO abounded. My personal favorites:

1. The question aimed at Senator Clinton that asked if she would make a good president given that male leaders in "arab countries" wouldn't respect her. Obviously the guy asking the question has serious problems with a female president, but was trying to phrase it differently. asshole.

2. When Senator Edwards told Senator Clinton that he didn't like her jacket.

3. Senator Obama told Senator Clinton that he likes her jacket.

4. Joe Biden telling Dennis Kucinich that the only thing he likes about him is his wife.


in the immortal words of ani,
"and i wonder, who's going to be president? tweedle dumb or tweedle dumber?"

i have no idea what i will do when election time comes around. none. i do know what i won't do - and that is vote for the right. lesser of two evils? i don't like that either. one last quote, courtesy of eugene v. debs:

"i'd rather vote for what i want and not get it, then vote for what i don't want and get it."
where is what i want? and not just a president that is different than what we have now, for the sake of simply being "different."

i know i've posted this before, but here it is again. one of hill's best - that has stayed with me since i first read it:


I've been thinking a lot lately about the meaning of the word hero. Some time ago, I lost interest in acquiring "stuff". I am entering that phase of life when I am more interested in giving back to my fellow humans, and I have found a new purpose in life. It's called passion.
I want a hero. I want a President who defines the word, in actions and deeds. I want a President who is compassionate, articulate, diplomatic, and dedicated to uphold, with the highest regard, The Constitution of the United States. I want a President who cherishes our Bill of Rights, and holds those truths to be self-evident.

I want a hero.

I don't want a presidential imposter who tortures, who denigrates those who question him, who relishes spying on innocent Americans, who lies with every spoken word,and who enriches his friends while impoverishing the rest of us. I don't want a presidential imposter who lets a major city drown, who refuses to listen to dissent, who corrals those of us who protest his crimes in a "Free Speech" zone miles from where he is speaking to his carefully chosen faithful. I don't want a presidential imposter who divides us, derides us, and laughs at our belief in Democracy. I don't want a presidential imposter who launches a war of aggression against a sovereign nation, then refuses to attend the funeral of ONE of the thousands of soldiers killed in his failed war. I don't want a presidential imposter who thinks the Constitution is just a "goddamn piece of paper." I don't want a presidential imposter who smirks while talking down to us, who gropes heads of state, who farts to startled young staffers and then laughs about it. I don't want a presidential imposter who is a dry drunk, an arrogant spoiled brat, a C student, and a former cheerleader who loves to play war, with other people's loved ones. I don't want a presidential imposter who shirked his duty in the military and who embraces those who swiftboat anyone that dares question him about his dereliction of duty.

I want a hero.

A real one. I want a President who can inspire and uplight our bruised and battered souls. I want a President who can make me do more, care more, and work harder to unite our fractured country

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23 July 2007

minutes before...

...my friend and her un-potty-mouthed daughter arrived to play on saturday... bebe drops a lego he's Building A Vacuum with. this is the same child that recently found a new way to wear his diaper, mind you. unsoiled, i might add. unlike his mouth. :)

i just had an awful flash back of my grandmother washing my mouth out with soap when i was three. blech. i can still taste it.

but i digress... back to the Lego Dropping Incident.

bebe: OH SHIT!

me: can you say, "oh nuts!" instead?

bebe: OH SHIT!

me: oh nuts!

bebe: OH SHIT!

me: oh nuts!

bebe: OH SHIT!

me: oh nuts!

bebe: OH NUTS! (wait for it...) OH SHIT!

me: oh nuts!

bebe: i don't WANT to say oh nuts, mommy! i want to say OH SHIT! OOOOOOOHHHH MYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
and that's all he had to say about that. ah, from the mouths of babes....

needless to say, there was no further shit talking that day. just good Ol' Fashioned Fun Tire Swingin' Fun and Frolic.

now let's see what my blog rating is...



20 July 2007

operation chickenhawk - the next generation

max blumenthal interviews college republicans about enlisting. gosh, they sure aren't a healthy lot! and so dedicated to their studies!

meet the future leadership... the future is so bright, my eyes are burning. why is it that those so in support of this "war" are the ones that don't want to enlist?

i also think that tom delay must have a medical condition too - abortion= illegal immigration?!?!

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18 July 2007


edited to add this i just stumbled across at betmo's place:

injustice in jena. scroll down to the article. wtf???!!! injustice. is. an. understatement.


A new report about terrorism issued by U.S. intelligence agencies brought the sobering news that, while groups like al-Qaida may be somewhat constrained in terms of their ability to attack American targets at home, the threat they pose will continue to be significant in coming years.

THANK YOU GEORGE W. BUSH!!! way to go! YOU have successfully created a significant threat to ALL americans with your neo-conservative harebrained ideals and wars! bet the numbers of al-qaida supporters have gone through the roof since bombing afghanistan and iraq, don' t you? i heard you say the other day that you were worried that leaving iraq would allow al-qaida to sink their teeth in there... but isn't that what you really hoped for all along? an uprising and desperate people left in the wake of chaos and destruction? you are a traitor and a liar. and you have made us all less safe. clearly, your plans have failed if terrorism is more of a threat today, no?

you can't win a war against ideology. ever. there is nothing to be "won." "we" couldn't begin to "win" what you have created in a 1000 years. admitting you have a problem is half of the battle.

and from alternet: our mighty and esteemed representatives at their very finest.

GO KIT BOND! iran, iraq, whatever....

Notes From The Senate All-Nighter
By Bob Geiger
Posted on July 18, 2007, Printed on July 18, 2007

Here's some miscellaneous notes as I watch Senate Republicans try to say something other than the rubber-stamp talk they've been spitting out for years -- along with a count of how many times they use the same old cynical phrases.

Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX)

Desperate Buzzphrase Count:
# "Cut and run" 6

Kit Bond (R-MO)

Freudian slip in describing the alleged dangers of a troop withdrawal: "If we were to leave Iran without finishing the job…" said Bond.


Desperate Buzzphrase Count:

* "Retreat and defeat" 3
* "Cut and run" 2
* "Run and leave" (See "Cut and run")
* "Embarrass the president" 1

Jim DeMint (R-SC)

DeMint referred to Democrats as the "minority party" until Barbara Mikulski (D-MD) jumped in to correct him.

Desperate Buzzphrase Count:

* "Retreat" 1
* "Embolden our enemies" 1
* "Embarrass the president" 1

Jim Bunning (R-KY)

"Our enemies are watching us and using our debate on the war in Iraq to strengthen themselves," said Bunning, who obviously took too many line drives to the head during his pro baseball career.

Yeah, because our enemies wouldn't get great joy out of seeing the fear they inspire turning American government into a dictatorship, right?

Desperate Buzzphrase Count:

* "MoveOn.org" 2
* "Cut and Run" 2
* "Follow us home" 1


8:34 PM: Reid calls for vote on sending the Sergeant at Arms after Republicans who didn't respond to quorum call. Result: 44-47; Not agreed to, but enough Senators returned to form a quorum.

9:05 PM: Count of Republican objections to proceeding to a vote on Levin-Reed amendment:

* 3:16 PM Senator Lott objects to changing course in Iraq
* 4:02 PM Senator Lott objects to changing course in Iraq
* 6:25 PM Senator Hutchison objects to changing course in Iraq
* 6:31 PM Senator Bond objects to changing course in Iraq
* 7:35 PM Senator Warner objects to changing direction in Iraq

Pure truth from Chuck Schumer (D-NY) to the other side of the aisle: "You'll be joining with us later, if you don't join with us today."

Bob Geiger is a writer, activist and Democratic District Leader in Westchester County, NY.
© 2007 Independent Media Institute. All rights reserved.
View this story online at: http://www.alternet.org/bloggers/geiger/57188/

EMBBARRESS THE PRESIDENT??!! good. god. shame on youse.

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14 July 2007

three things...

china: the ex-head of the food and drug agency has been executed for taking bribes from drug companies that resulted in people 'round the world being given nasty and sometimes poisonness/fatal ingredients in their food stuffs, pet food and toothpaste.

if the u.s. executed every politician that took bribes from drug companies, capitol hill would be empty.

my local university - in a nutshell, two complete fuckwads (c. keith haddock and walker s. carlos poston II) will still hold their tenured positions.

a lawsuit was recently settled out of court. here's the skinny:

an associate professor and former student filed a suit against the above mentioned fuckwad professors that operated a lab environment where women were fondled and groped - physically and verbally. one of these charmers was overheard to say that he "would kill someone if he had to," and that he "knew people who could kill people." they also thought it fun to grab female students in a choke hold, kiss them and pull up various pornographic material and torture videos on the computer to show around. they also enjoyed referring to female students as "sluts," and drove numerous women from the program.

the university "investigated." other entities were called. all effectively dropped the ball.

the very best part? when the complaints began to roll in, they were both moved to the medical school and GIVEN RAISES TO THE TUNE OF $20,000 A YEAR AND WERE TENURED. they can't be fired now. and since the case was settled out of court there is apparently no legal proof this happened.


about that video i posted up earlier today - i officially can no longer understand how anyone can support this "war." while i've not been able to get my brain around the pro-turn iraq into a parking lot crowd's thinking since before the invasion, i no longer can show any level of patience or tolerance for anyone that claims to be in favor.

it is cruel and inhumane to subject the soldiers, the citizens, and everyone else in between to what is happening there. it makes me beyond angry to know those calling the shots know damn good and well what they are creating by putting the combat troops through extended tours and hours on. they also know what sort of psychological, emotional and physical damage this is doing to the people that live there. AND THEY CLEARLY DO NOT CARE. anyone that knowingly does this to another person is the sickest of the sick. anyone that supports this is in need of serious psychological evaluation. i used to kind of be able to a least try and "see the other side." no mas.

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a horrific peek inside and a challenge for bush et al...

please go and watch the video.

this. has. got. to. stop. for EVERYONE involved.

i'm going to have to talk about this later, because i just can't right now.

Ani Difranco - Roll With It

She says my ass hurts
when I sit down
she says my feet hurt
from just standing around
I think my body
is as restless as my mind
and I don't know if I can roll with it
this time

packed his uniforms
and drove him to the base
she was crying all the way
the world looked her in the face
and said
roll with it, baby
make it your career
keep the home fires burning
till america is in the clear

the mainstream is so polluted with lies
once you get wet, it's so hard to get dry
we're all taught how to justify
as it passes by
and it's your world
that comes crashing down
when the big boys decide
to throw their weight around
but just roll with it baby
make it your career
keep the home fires burning
till america is in the clear

what if the enemy
isn't in a distant land
what if the enemy lies behind
the voice of command
the sound of war
is a child's cry
behind tinted windows,
they just drive by
all I know is that those
who are going to be killed
aren't those who preside
on capitol hill
I told him,
don't fill the front lines
of their war
those assholes aren't worth dying for
but he said
roll with it, baby
make it your career
keep the home fires burning
till america is in the clear

she says my ass hurts
when I sit down
she says my feet hurt
from just standing around
I think my body is as restless as my mind
and I'm not gonna roll with it this time
no, I'm not gonna roll with it this time

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12 July 2007

i was going to write something

about bush's press conference that i listened to this morning in the car. it was rife with statements that need a rebuttal.

see, i decided to add insult to injury, as i was heading in to renew my tags and driver's license at the dmv when it came on. an adventure to the dmv is notoriously a task that leaves me wanting to gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon while drinking bleach, then cutting myself a thousand times and bathing in lemon juice instead of waiting hours with my stack of documents i've had to collect (social security card, last pay stub, last utility bill with my name on it, state embossed birth certificate, insurance card, inspection, two years of property tax receipts) to prove that i'm not a terrorist... as if those who choose to blow up shit get identification cards at the dmv!

but i digress.

i've decided instead to do a little guest blogger action, as will rarely posts such things, and for purposes of perspective... i needed this today.

i'm STILL teary. i think will may very well be the bestest daddy and boo in the whole wide world. how did i get so lucky to have these two boys share my life with me?

this is why i do what i do.


I watch you boy - springtime's meadow unfolding, thunderously joining in the dance on foal feet. High-kneed stepping to the thrum of moonshadow and the night owl's call even as those of us more familiar with the promenade catch ourselves losing interest. Top-heavy with curiosity, a humming bird blur of fresh inclination. New flowers, new paths, new tastes on the tongue, each guilelessly consumed. Acquiring your sea legs just like all the salts that have come before, with skinned knees and bruised elbows and the shock of beauty's appetite.

I listen as you re-score the songs that underpin pleasure, bend the melodies in ways not even their composers could have dreamed, sew new words to old tunes for the sheer joy of suiting your whims. A voice from the other room, caught up in play, unaware that the old dragon has one eye half open, watching as you call up a new poetry:

Twinkle, twinkle little star,
How I Riley what you are.

A mistake? A confusion? A ridiculous parody? I somehow think not. Much more likely, a premonition from a spirit as yet unbroken.

Unhinge the windows, kick off the shoes and let your feet unfurl each future blade of grass, each stretch of summer-hot asphalt, each pitfall of broken glass. Go! Raindrop run! Race between legs, head back, shrieking amusement's laughter. Gaze up at the faces that hardly notice you – for one day, they will hunger for a glance from you. I am convinced that you will decide to grapple with what will come in ways I have been unable to conceive.

This man - not yet old, but no longer young – finds himself content to sit and let the twine play out on your kite til it no longer matters what I think. But rest assured that I will strike, tear power lines from the skies, hew down any tree that threatens to snag you in its arms. I parry the puckered jealousy of unexamined choices and beg the rain of the fools on my head. They dare not directly confront what they cannot shackle or burry with loam.

Be free to find your footing, to score your own concerto, to paint your own masterpiece. Be free to be what I cannot – your only tether, the memory that your mom and dad love you so.



11 July 2007

RAPE = "juicy term" and "inflammatory rhetoric"

sicily sue just sent this cnn news story my way...

a current RAPE case being heard has resulted in the judge banning the words, VICTIM, RAPE and ASSAILANT from coming out of witnesses mouths during the proceedings.

read that again.

i had to.

five times.

you have got to be fucking kidding me.

the defense attorney is quoted as saying that the word RAPE is "inflammatory rhetoric" and a " juicy term." juicy term?!?!? there is NOTHING "juicy" about rape - one of the single most horrific things that a woman can survive. it should be inflammatory - THAT ANY MAN THINKS THAT IT IS EVER OK TO FORCE SEX ON A WOMAN. EVER. that 1 in 6 women CONTINUE to be sexually assaulted in this country should inflame everyone into STOPPING the condoning of RAPISTS and their criminal acts. the judge already took sides, in my opinion.

it is bad enough that most of these guys end up pleading out before the case ever goes to trial and that rape cases are the most difficult to get a conviction on. what next?

as will put it - this is the same thing as not being allowed to say killed in a murder trial.

so now this woman has to take the stand, face the man that raped her as well as a myriad of strangers and a defense attorney that is going to make her life a living hell ALL OVER AGAIN and she can't say she was RAPED?! the kicker? she can BE JAILED if she does!

i can't even begin to describe how this makes me feel, to the very core of me.

the news story is here, it will play after the ad.
note the accused's smug look.

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10 July 2007

reason 9, 639 that i don't have a religion

turns out - I'M NOT REALLY MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW! get this.

i had a table the other night at work. two tennis playing ladies and a friend. they're in their mid-twenties*** and i waited on them one other time. the guy was fun - i think because he doesn't play tennis over there. kidding. anyway, this time they were talking about marriage when i got the the table with their drinks. the guy asks me what age i think people should get married, and if i'm married.

me: "yup. i'm happily hitched, with an awesome wee dude to boot!"
dude: "how old were you?"
me: "30."
dude: "do you think people should wait until they're older?"
me: "i guess it depends, but sure! i'm VERY glad i didn't end up in unity with any of the yahoos from my younger years. i had stuff to figure out first."
girl 1: blank stare
girl 2: blank stare
dude: "see?"

who knows. i often stumble into these conversations.

i go back in and realize i'm a big old liar.
i go back to the table to set the record straight.

me: "ok, i wasn't 30 after all."
girl 1: "oh?"
me: i laugh, "we never remember our anniversary - i have to call my mom! no, we got married when i was 29. no. wait. i was 28"
dude: laughing "which is it?"
girl 2: blank stare
girl 1: "what do you expect from someone that can't remember her anniversary."
me: "welll, it is in october. i know that. see, we had two different ceremonies - i don't have a religion, so my part was just he and i with no one officiating. his part was a short 10 minute deal in the catholic church. so we celebrate the anniversary between the two ceremony dates."
girl 1: "wait a minute! have you ever been baptised?"
me: "nope."
girl 1: "well, you're not really married. the first sacrament is baptism, and if you've never been baptisied then you can't be married in the catholic church. your husband is ruined too because of this."
dude: laughing his ass off.
girl 2: blank stare
girl 1: no! seriously! i looked into it when i was dating this guy i wanted to marry and he had never been baptised so i broke up with him!"
me: thinking, lucky, lucky, LUCKY guy.
me: "so you mean to tell me that not only am i going to hell, but so is my partner?"
dude: laughs so hard beer shoots from his nose
girl 2: blank stare
girl 1: "pretty much. can i order some spinach artichoke dip?"

while i'm inside ringing in the food, they have two others join them. i go back out to the table.

"hi! the heathen is back to fetch you some drinks!"

i. kill. me.

girl 1: blank stare
girl 2: blank stare
girl 3: blank stare
girl 4: blank stare
dude: more beer shoots out of his nose.

i whip out my picture of bebe and ask the girl with the direct hotline to mary and god or whomever, "what does all of this mean for this little guy?"

she replies with a grimace.

me: "oh no! him TOO?!?!?!"

i leave them be. and go back inside to tell my equally heathen co-workers about it and laugh.

this is why i love "guests" like these instead:

the woman has a shirt on that says, "i make up stuff."

LOVED it. i told her that i wanted one, but i wanted it to say, "i make up stuff in my head" since i do that fairly often.

the guy with her thought that was really funny, and we all ran with the fun for a few minutes.

guy: maybe we could just keep adding on to it - i make stuff up. in my head. on tuesdays."
me: "only during odd numbered years."
guy: "while i'm in the bathroom."
me: "scrubbing out the toilet."

you get the picture.

of course i forgot what beer he ordered by the time i made it back to the machine to ring it up. i went back and forth between newscastle and pale ale, in my head, and chose pale. even though it didn't seem right. i took the drinks over.

"this doesn't look like newcastle, it looks like pale ale!"

"it IS pale ale. see? i TOLD you i make stuff up in my head! ahhhh, i LOVE the circular joke that just won't die!" more laughin, more FUN! no hell to banish me and mine to!

*** i'm not carding to be mean. if i do, you look young enough. i'm old, in bar years. we can be shut down and i can have my serving license swiped for all of eternity and be fined if liquor control shows up unannounced and decides to card people randomly - which they love to do. if i've served you and you don't have you i.d. on you - i get to pay more money. no fun. i know you're 22 and you shouldn't be persecuted like this, but...

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07 July 2007


we've been listening all day! this morning, after i told bebe that all of these musicians throughout the world were coming together to play a concert ALL OVER THE WORLD to increase awareness about global climate change and tell us ways we can all do our part, he told me that he would like to, "do MY part and make a concert, mommy!" he instructed me to "get me my microphone, please" (daddy's reading chair lamp end) and "i need my guitar." your wish is my command, bebe!

then, he sang and played.

he finished the show with, "this one goes to eleven?"

he thought the blue man appearance brought down the house.

i asked bebe if he remembered the climate change rally we went to back in april, that was ironically held indoors due to inclement and highly unusually COLD weather -- and i thought about this picture. we're in the first row, 4 and 5 over from the right. we're very small. :) bebe's first rally!

during the live earth concert, we also learned that if every household in the u.s. used the kind of dish soap and detergent that we do, we all could save 82,000 barrels of oil per year! a car could drive 86 million miles on that! bebe didn't care about that one, but mama did!

we also learned about our compact florescent lightbulbs, and how they save lots of energy. then we looked at our cloth grocery bags and did a happy dance that we don't use the plastic ones anymore.

then, we looked at all of the things in this house that were tied to oil in some way:

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lots of other solutions and ideas are here.

we agreed that we hope this event could be a tipping point in the mass consciousness. i noticed how the show was geared to my generation - all of the old mtv hosts were back in the saddle from my day... duran duran...

of course, this was all Very tiring work. next thing i know, he's getting his bear and baby and nestling into daddy's reading spot. "we need a nap, mommy! we're tiiiiireeed."
"do you need your blanket?"
"oh, YES, please!"

and there you have it.

viva la planetearthalution!

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06 July 2007

my baby

isn't a baby anymore. i haven't really started any sort of potty learning venture with lil dude yet. i've read that boys learn later than girls, etc. he has a little potty he can get to easily and an awesome little adapter seat for the "big potty" that pam gifted us (thank you again, pam!) both of which he uses sometimes when he Thinks about it.

will called me last night at work. he'd taken bebe for a walk and to get an ice cream treat at the corner shop. midway through their treats, bebe says, "i need to go to the bathroom, daddy!"

after will recovered from his shock, off to the toilet they went. pee was made. i'm certain there was a high five involved too. i made tears - happysad tears. all i could think was that he'll be driving soon! he's evolving into such a little man!

up next?

p/s - don't forget that live earth is tomorrow!!! while the irony isn't lost me, if it draws more people in - GO FOR IT!!!

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05 July 2007

two posts rocked my world today...

but first, true story.

we took bebe to the zoo yesterday. i have a love/hate relationship with that place. i'm devastated when i see all of the animals that have been taken from their natural habitats and stored away in little bins. i'm also mesmerized when i see them up close... bebe has a book he loves to read, he has it almost memorized. the beebee baby bird. the story is set in a zoo. but i digress. when we got to the orangutan cage, i started feeling awful. it really is a tiny area for such animals to be in. i told will that it just isn't right, that creatures so close to humans in so many ways should be shuffled away to some cage like that. he said, "kinda like humans in offices, huh?" i nodded. then he said, "hmmmm... notice how it's about the same size as the Bar?" knowing i'd be going into work in a few hours, it hit me like a ton of bricks. and it WAS about the same size!

back to the posts.

the first was penned by
fade, the second by bluegrrrl... go read 'em if you haven't, then come on back over.

so, of course, i got to thinking about an einstein quote, "we cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."

we can't and we won't... something different has to occur, something new and previously untried. that's going to take a lot of doing from a society that chooses to ignore what is clearly in front of them - one that would rather overwhelmingly take a pill to make it all go away, thinking that something must be wrong with self - rather than dig in and confront the root of their dis-ease. i mean dis-ease in the sense of unease. yes, something is terribly, horribly wrong, but the problem doesn't lie with "us" -- this dis-ease is simply an organic response to how fucked up it all is. in a culture that is rife with toxicity on every level, from politicians to food to consumers goods that are making money off of the suffering and pain of so many in the world - we are reacting in record numbers... the status quo is that we are to derive joy by purchasing more crap we don't need (with credit cards), taking sleeping pills to be able to to get up and do our horrid, unfulfilling jobs to support those internalized ideas of needs, and simply drifting through our days until we eventually die - something that we don't want to think about. ever. throw some war and constant terror threats and warnings into the mix, and a dash of the looming consequences of global climate change - and boom!

if people weren't feeling depressed about all that, i'd be worried. but what worries me even more is that so many are choosing a course that simply *hopefully* numbs them and doesn't cause any further damage in the process. i won't go there today, i promise. this level of medicating the masses stands to further harm our hijacked demockracy - and everyday, there's a new taker.

huxley (not orwell, silly kara) wrote about soma. i used to think it was television, not anymore...

something's gotta give. and it undeniably will. we cannot continue at this pace forever. and as much as i'd like to say i had the answer, i don't. i'm making a new years resolution late. i'm coming up with something by the end of the year. something bloodless and peaceful - something that could actually rattle the cages... me and my visions of grandiosity, eh?

i earned my bachelor's degree from a school founded for those "who are willing to take risks for their intellectual and political beliefs" - whose motto is that the right idea at the right time can change the world.
where, oh where is my idea? olly olly oxen free!

as bebe would sing, "get up! stand up! don't give up a fight!"

anyone down for some brainstorming?


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04 July 2007

bebes for peace


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...peace is now or never.

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02 July 2007

dear neighbors, it is july 2nd.

and the day before was july 1st. the day before that, when you started all of this, was june 30th. NOT JULY 4TH!!!!!!!!!

once again, in true form, it sounds like a war zone in my neighborhood AFTER 11 PM each night! they shoot off these horribly loud "fireworks" that sound remarkably like weapons and bombs. i don't like war, nor the sounds of war. but i've already sufficiently beat this into the ground last year. i can't figure out how to link it, but the sentiment still stands:

deja vu, deja vu...

01 July 2006

it's july 1st, fools.

and i really don't get it. the fireworks started their incessant booming yesterday. while it was still june. don't try and tell me it's just overly patriotic types, celebrating their blessed freedom. i ain't buying it.

for the next MONTH, my dogs will pace the floors - alternating between whimpering, crying and barking - jumping in fear at every boom, clack and snap that will grace my neighborhood until all hours of the morning. i hope the baby can sleep. so help me if this nonsense wakes him up. if you hear about some crazy chic driving around midtown lecturing fireworks offenders and confiscating ignitable paraphernalia- that would be me. hell hath no fury, they say. and i actually have the law behind me on this one, you unruly renegades. go you, with your damn-the-man-i'm-doing-illegal-stuff mentality. you have been warned.

why, kara - WHY can't you just lighten up, you say? because i will be acutely aware, on a very small level for the span of this month, of what it feels like to be on the receiving end of gunfire and bomb explosions. there are no oooh's and aaaah's for me. i don't think it's "pretty" - i think it's twisted. everytime one goes off, i get a vivid image in my head of one of the many war images i make myself look at regularly to know what is being done/has been done in my name. only in america will you find people delighting in sounds that much of the world lay in fear of hearing.

and the more i think about all the beer guzzling, flag waving, fireworks shooting, barbequeing madness that takes over this time of year, i get increasingly irritated. somehow, these "patriotic" americans will cast more votes for an american idol contestant than they will in an election. lovely. perfect. yeah - i'm pissed.

so when will i get a day to celebrate my independence from a country that thinks war sounds are fun?

and just because, i shall repost this one as well:

Put Away the Flags
by Howard Zinn
June 30, 2006

On this July 4, we would do well to renounce nationalism and all its symbols: its flags, its pledges of allegiance, its anthems, its insistence in song that God must single out America to be blessed.

Is not nationalism -- that devotion to a flag, an anthem, a boundary so fierce it engenders mass murder -- one of the great evils of our time, along with racism, along with religious hatred?

These ways of thinking -- cultivated, nurtured, indoctrinated from childhood on -- have been useful to those in power, and deadly for those out of power.

National spirit can be benign in a country that is small and lacking both in military power and a hunger for expansion (Switzerland, Norway, Costa Rica and many more). But in a nation like ours -- huge, possessing thousands of weapons of mass destruction -- what might have been harmless pride becomes an arrogant nationalism dangerous to others and to ourselves.

Our citizenry has been brought up to see our nation as different from others, an exception in the world, uniquely moral, expanding into other lands in order to bring civilization, liberty, democracy.

That self-deception started early.

When the first English settlers moved into Indian land in Massachusetts Bay and were resisted, the violence escalated into war with the Pequot Indians. The killing of Indians was seen as approved by God, the taking of land as commanded by the Bible. The Puritans cited one of the Psalms, which says: "Ask of me, and I shall give thee, the heathen for thine inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the Earth for thy possession."

When the English set fire to a Pequot village and massacred men, women and children, the Puritan theologian Cotton Mather said: "It was supposed that no less than 600 Pequot souls were brought down to hell that day."

On the eve of the Mexican War, an American journalist declared it our "Manifest Destiny to overspread the continent allotted by Providence." After the invasion of Mexico began, The New York Herald announced: "We believe it is a part of our destiny to civilize that beautiful country."

It was always supposedly for benign purposes that our country went to war.

We invaded Cuba in 1898 to liberate the Cubans, and went to war in the Philippines shortly after, as President McKinley put it, "to civilize and Christianize" the Filipino people.

As our armies were committing massacres in the Philippines (at least 600,000 Filipinos died in a few years of conflict), Elihu Root, our secretary of war, was saying: "The American soldier is different from all other soldiers of all other countries since the war began. He is the advance guard of liberty and justice, of law and order, and of peace and happiness."

We see in Iraq that our soldiers are not different. They have, perhaps against their better nature, killed thousands of Iraq civilians. And some soldiers have shown themselves capable of brutality, of torture.

Yet they are victims, too, of our government's lies.

How many times have we heard President Bush and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld tell the troops that if they die, if they return without arms or legs, or blinded, it is for "liberty," for "democracy"?

One of the effects of nationalist thinking is a loss of a sense of proportion. The killing of 2,300 people at Pearl Harbor becomes the justification for killing 240,000 in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The killing of 3,000 people on Sept. 11 becomes the justification for killing tens of thousands of people in Afghanistan and Iraq.

And nationalism is given a special virulence when it is said to be blessed by Providence. Today we have a president, invading two countries in four years, who announced on the campaign trail last year that God speaks through him.

We need to refute the idea that our nation is different from, morally superior to, the other imperial powers of world history.

We need to assert our allegiance to the human race, and not to any one nation.

my girl, pam, just tagged me with a rockin' girl blogger award, i'm on to that next!

edited to add this - how i'll be celebrating the fourth. thanks for the button code, mary!!!!

well, turns out i still can't get the code to work. yup. luddite.

here's a link instead, for the blogswarm.

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