wow.i should be studying. or sleeping. who knows at this point.
i just poked my wee head back in to have a look-see, after surprising myself by remembering my user name and pass word... i imagine i might feel the same way upon returning to my childhood home that i left when i was little and never saw again. it kinda rocked me, in a sad sort of way.
the first thing i noticed was that date of my last post - september 21st, 2008. then i saw that all these links were showing up as no longer available. so i cleared them off the template.
i started going through my blogroll and gave up after realizing that 90% of them were no longer active. i know it sounds crazy, but i practically lived here for 3 years after i had bebe. there was a community. a sanity. a sanctuary - all through writing. i met many people that i've still never metmet, that i adore to this day. and i miss every single one of them. so much has changed. i miss those days. i find myself longing for them a bit right now...
it's amazing, to look back at what i wrote, all of it, the day to day - the joy, the stresses, the pain, the fear, the hope, the memories - and have it all distilled down to a feeling of something that i miss a whole hell of a lot more than i thought i would. the feeling feels sunny and happyfuzzy. it feels content. it feels a lot like what i need more of right now.
the blog got back-burnered when i returned to work and grad school. and while i know it was necessary that i returned back to what i had always known, i feel like i've literally lost so much time. especially with bebe. he starts kindergarten this year. i will barely see him, compared to what i do now. i'm not sure exactly how i will get through that. our time here is truly so short and it goes sooooo fast. i can't seem to assimilate to the speed of this culture. and so my mind wanders off and all around...
i really need to study.
i just wanted to say hi. and i miss you.