15 February 2010


i should be studying. or sleeping. who knows at this point.

i just poked my wee head back in to have a look-see, after surprising myself by remembering my user name and pass word... i imagine i might feel the same way upon returning to my childhood home that i left when i was little and never saw again. it kinda rocked me, in a sad sort of way.

the first thing i noticed was that date of my last post - september 21st, 2008. then i saw that all these links were showing up as no longer available. so i cleared them off the template.

i started going through my blogroll and gave up after realizing that 90% of them were no longer active. i know it sounds crazy, but i practically lived here for 3 years after i had bebe. there was a community. a sanity. a sanctuary - all through writing. i met many people that i've still never metmet, that i adore to this day. and i miss every single one of them. so much has changed. i miss those days. i find myself longing for them a bit right now...

it's amazing, to look back at what i wrote, all of it, the day to day - the joy, the stresses, the pain, the fear, the hope, the memories - and have it all distilled down to a feeling of something that i miss a whole hell of a lot more than i thought i would. the feeling feels sunny and happyfuzzy. it feels content. it feels a lot like what i need more of right now.

the blog got back-burnered when i returned to work and grad school. and while i know it was necessary that i returned back to what i had always known, i feel like i've literally lost so much time. especially with bebe. he starts kindergarten this year. i will barely see him, compared to what i do now. i'm not sure exactly how i will get through that. our time here is truly so short and it goes sooooo fast. i can't seem to assimilate to the speed of this culture. and so my mind wanders off and all around...

i really need to study.

i just wanted to say hi. and i miss you.


21 September 2008


This is Your Nation on White Privilege
By Tim Wise

For those who still can't grasp the concept of white privilege,
or who are looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps
this list will help.

White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like
Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that
of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to
judge you or your parents, because "every family has challenges," even
as black and Latino families with similar "challenges" are regularly
typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.

White privilege is when you can call yourself a "f***in'
redneck," like Bristol Palin's boyfriend does, and talk about how if
anyone messes with you, you'll "kick their f***in' ass," and talk
about how you like to "shoot s**t" for fun, and still be viewed as a
responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather
than a thug.

White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in
six years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out
of, then returned to after making up some coursework at a community
college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to
achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as
unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first
place because of affirmative action.

White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town
smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state
with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island
of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people
don't all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S.
Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means
you're "untested."

White privilege is being able to say that you support the words
"under God" in the pledge of allegiance because "if it was good enough
for the founding fathers, it's good enough for me," and not be
immediately disqualified from holding office--since, after all, the
pledge was written in the late 1800s and the "under God" part wasn't
added until the 1950s--while if you're black and believe in reading
accused criminals and terrorists their rights (because the
Constitution, which you used to teach at a prestigious law school,
requires it), you are a dangerous and mushy liberal who isn't fit to
safeguard American institutions.

White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make
people immediately scared of you.

White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member
of an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from
the Union, and whose motto is "Alaska first," and no one questions
your patriotism or that of your family, while if you're black and your
spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with
her kids on the first day of school, people immediately think she's
being disrespectful.

White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers
and the work they do--like, among other things, fight for the right of
women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end
to child labor--and people think you're being pithy and tough, but if
you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month
governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in
college and the fact that she lives close to Russia--you're somehow
being mean, or even sexist.

White privilege is being able to convince white women who don't
even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your
running mate anyway, because suddenly your presence on the ticket has
inspired confidence in these same white women, and made them give your
party a "second look."

White privilege is being able to fire people who didn't support
your political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or
being a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being
black and merely knowing some folks from the old-line political
machines in Chicago means you must be corrupt.

White privilege is when you can take nearly twenty-four hours to
get to a hospital after beginning to leak amniotic fluid, and still be
viewed as a great mom whose commitment to her children is
unquestionable, and whose "next door neighbor" qualities make her
ready to be VP, while if you're a black candidate for president and
you let your children be interviewed for a few seconds on TV, you're
irresponsibly exploiting them.

White privilege is being able to give a 36 minute speech in which
you talk about lipstick and make fun of your opponent, while laying
out no substantive policy positions on any issue at all, and still
manage to be considered a legitimate candidate, while a black person
who gives an hour speech the week before, in which he lays out
specific policy proposals on several issues, is still criticized for
being too vague about what he would do if elected.

White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years
whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely
criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an
explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring
Christian theological principles into government, and who bring in
speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God's punishment
on Jews for rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you're just
a good church-going Christian, but if you're black and friends with a
black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S.
Department of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of
U.S. foreign policy and who talks about the history of racism and its
effect on black people, you're an extremist who probably hates

White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when
asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for
asking you such a "trick question," while being black and merely
refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O'Reilly
means you're dodging the question, or trying to seem overly
intellectual and nuanced.

White privilege is being able to go to a prestigious prep school,
then to Yale and then Harvard Business school, and yet, still be seen
as just an average guy (George W. Bush) while being black, going to a
prestigious prep school, then Occidental College, then Columbia, and
then to Harvard Law, makes you "uppity," and a snob who probably looks
down on regular folks.

White privilege is being able to graduate near the bottom of your
college class (McCain), or graduate with a C average from Yale (W.)
and that's OK, and you're cut out to be president, but if you're black
and you graduate near the top of your class from Harvard Law, you
can't be trusted to make good decisions in office.

White privilege is being able to dump your first wife after she's
disfigured in a car crash so you can take up with a multi-millionaire
beauty queen (who you go on to call the c-word in public) and still be
thought of as a man of strong family values, while if you're black and
married for nearly twenty years to the same woman, your family is
viewed as un-American and your gestures of affection for each other
are called "terrorist fist bumps."

White privilege is when you can develop a pain-killer addiction,
having obtained your drug of choice illegally like Cindy McCain, go on
to beat that addiction, and everyone praises you for being so strong,
while being a black guy who smoked pot a few times in college and
never became an addict means people will wonder if perhaps you still
get high, and even ask whether or not you ever sold drugs.

White privilege is being able to sing a song about bombing Iran
and still be viewed as a sober and rational statesman, with the
maturity to be president, while being black and suggesting that the
U.S. should speak with other nations, even when we have disagreements
with them, makes you "dangerously naive and immature."

White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW
has anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being
black and experiencing racism and an absent father is apparently among
the "lesser adversities" faced by other politicians, as Sarah Palin
explained in her convention speech.

And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could
possibly allow someone to become president when he has voted with
George W. Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is
skyrocketing, people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and
the U.S. is increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because a
lot of white voters aren't sure about that whole "change" thing. Ya
know, it's just too vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more
years of the same, which is very concrete and certain.

White privilege is, in short, the problem.



11 September 2008

open letter to the asshat(s?) that shredded obama sign #2.

dear jerk face pants head(s),

i think it is really really really AWESOME that you believe in free speech, democracy and pretty much everything this country stands for - you know, SO MUCH SO that you felt compelled to come into my yard AGAIN and rip apart the second obama sign we had strategically placed after you brutalized the first one earlier this week. you. rock. you are clearly very brave. you are truly one of america's heroes.

go you. you are a PATRIOT.


p/s: mccain is going DOWN. and you know it.



03 September 2008

apocalypse meow!!!!

...so we had our first meeting to begin planning a benefit for abby on sunday. the last thing that she needs to be worrying about while doing battle with inflammatory breast cancer is how the bills will be paid. there is a website set up now, as well as a facebook and myspace page...

i'm really excited! the response has been amazing so far, and the momentum is only starting to build!

i've also added a little widget over there to the right. if you have even a few dollars to spare, it would make a world of difference. every little bit adds up... the chip in site is super easy to use.

thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!!!

p/s - abby's blog is here.



02 September 2008

the right to peaceably assemble

"the state can't give you free speech, and the state can't take it away. you were born with it - like your eyes, like your ears. freedom is something that you assume, then you wait for someone to try and take it away. the degree to which you resist, is the degree to which you are free."
~utah phillips

i'm pretty upset right now. and tired. be warned.

i've caught wind of several reports of protesters being handed their asses at both the dnc and rnc. typically those targeted are of the anarchist varietal. mostly because these folks act as sort of a protection for other protesters. they will put themselves in the line of fire, so to speak. my experience has always been one that is radically different than what most people think of when they hear the words anarchist or anarchy. i can at least see how anarchists make people nervous, given the misguided media representation that reigns supreme. that still doesn't give anyone carte blanche to commence ass kicking. that is called police brutality. period.

with the exception of a few people that can be found in most any group, the anarchists i have encountered are fairly peaceful people - and a lot like me. they believe the system is flawed. they believe that our foreign and domestic policies are harmful to living beings and the planet. they have faith in humanity - that we can lead ourselves - that we don't need leaders. they think it is messed up that natural resources that really belong to no one are harvested, repackaged, and sold back to us in neat little boxes. they believe that we don't own anything, that we borrow stuff until we die...

in all fairness, i have questions. ones i've tried to raise for discussion to no avail in the past with different anarchists, at different points in my life. being the virgo that i'am, i want to know what it would look like. how it would work. we tend to want to have someone in charge - after all, we've been raised with this cultural construct all our lives. this country has known leaders since we ripped it away from the native peoples of this land so long ago. and i go back and forth with humanity. reading mccarthy's 'the road' did nothing to help. sometimes i think that if some terrible shit went down, we would band together. some days i see how truly horrible people can be to one another and wonder if that is even possible. i also encounter a fair amount apathy that factors into the equation.

i love the idea of anarchy - the idea that WE define how our lives and communities are led. we don't rely on leaders to change things for us, we are each actively involved in spurring that change. we work together, using such tools as concensus, for decision making. the western world is highly individualistic. though i have also witnessed complete strangers jumping to help when help is needed. without being asked. it is an organic response for many, myself included.

i know that there are many misconceptions about what anarchy means. and it is something that i struggle with myself, regularly. do i even bother to vote? am i simply supporting can the system be changed, or is it already too far gone? we don't live in a democracy. i encounter many on a daily basis that would prefer to have someone else make their decisions for them. to wave a flag around and blow up fireworks on the forth of july, but never get their hands dirty. it is difficult for me to get my brain around that.

this i know for certain. no matter who is elected in november, we will still have work to do. every minute of every day of our lives. democracy is not a spectator sport. you don't get to slap a flag sticker on your car and believe that your part is finished.

the right to peaceably assemble is a farce. in order to do so, one must obtain permits to gather. if there is a march, you need a parade permit. you need to carry a certain amount of insurance as well. sidewalks are supposedly safe places to air grievances, so long as you don't cross some magical, mystical line i've yet to figure out. but i digress.

what spurred this diatribe, you ask? the following. i've been to my fair share of protests where arrests were made. where rubber bullets were fired at close range. where people love to talk about how free we are in this country while i've seen the complete opposite. what you're about to watch and read is simply unacceptable. we've reached a new low. one where a reporter is cuffed and stuffed and the producers of her show are hurt, then arrested. while i've grown to expect that using your voice in a public manner can have consequences that are painful and unjust, this really stunned me, left me feeling angry.

yeah, i'll vote in november. i do think that there are certain people that are easier to work with than others - that more can be accomplished this way. yeah, there are really truly wonderful things about this country. yeah, i'll never stop fighting for what i believe is right. and someday i will live in a place that embraces what i embrace. it has to be out there somewhere. and it will be near an ocean. yeah, i still have faith and hope in "we the people."

but this. is. so. wrong.

Democracy Now! Host and Producers Arrested at Republican Convention

By Holly Watt
ST. PAUL -- Democracy Now! radio host Amy Goodman and two producers were arrested while covering demonstrations at the Republican convention in St. Paul, Minn. Goodman was released after being held for over three hours, but is still waiting to hear when Sharif Abdel Kouddous and Nicole Salazar would be released.

"I was down on the convention floor interviewing delegates when I heard that two of our producers had been arrested," said Goodman. "I ran down to Jackson and 7th Street, where the police had moved in."

Goodman said that when she ran up to find out what was going on, she was also arrested.

"They seriously manhandled me and handcuffed my hands behind my back. The top ID [at the convention] is to get on the floor and the Secret Service ripped that off me. I had my Democracy Now! ID too. I was clearly a reporter."

Goodman, who was released after being charged with a misdemeanor, said that Salazar had been hurt in the face, while Kouddous had been thrown up against a wall and hurt his elbow.

"Nicole told me that as they moved in on three sides, she asked them 'How do I get away from this?' and they jumped on her."

Both Kouddous and Salazar could be held for up to 36 hours.

"One of the police kept shouting at me 'Shut up, shut up," she said. "It was extremely threatening."

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09 August 2008

one of the most brave and

fiercest grrrrls i call friend...

just in case anyone still drops by here, (bad blogger me, bad bad bad) wouldya pretty please stop over at abigail's place and send her any of that good stuff i know you've got? it is going to be a rough ride. she's in the throes of kickin' some cancer ass - and i love her very much. you would too, if you knew her. so head on over and meet her...

and read up on this nasty trickster when you have the time. i'd never even heard of it before a few weeks ago.



22 June 2008

what is art?

a friend posed this question earlier today in a blog posting. got me thinking. she asked for examples of what is definitely and definitely not art. i've been thinking about it on and off most of the day...

as for definitely, i immediately thought of a couple that i first learned about via a kcpt late night arts special that will and i saw several months (years?) ago. i know i posted about them sometime back, but can't seem to find it now... anyhoo - this stuff moved me from the get go - particularly this piece. i though i'd share it here, along with a link to view more of their work.

i'm still working on the definitely not part...

truly fantasticalbeautimousinfinity.

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