12 February 2007

everything reminds me of an ani difranco song.

today it was a post over at old broad's place. i looked all over youtube for a vid, but none is to be found. the lyrics will have to suffice.

damn fine song. wish you could hear it!

your next bold move

coming of age during the plague
of reagan and bush
watching capitalism gun down democracy
it had this funny effect on me
i guess

i am cancer
i am HIV
and i'm down at the blue jesus
blue cross hospital
just lookin' up from my pillow
feeling blessed

and the mighty multinationals
have monopolized the oxygen
so it's as easy as breathing
for us all to participate

yes they're buying and selling
off shares of air
and you know it's all around you
but it's hard to point and say "there"
so you just sit on your hands
and quietly contemplate

your next bold move
the next thing you're gonna need to prove
to yourself

what a waste of thumbs that are opposable
to make machines that are disposable
and sell them to seagulls flying in circles
around one big right wing

yes, the left wing was broken long ago
by the slingshot of cointelpro
and now it's so hard to have faith in
anything

especially your next bold move
or the next thing you're gonna need to prove
to yourself

you want to track each trickle
back to its source
and then scream up the faucet
'til your face is hoarse
cuz you're surrounded by a world's worth
of things you just can't excuse

but you've got the hard cough of a chain smoker
and you're at the arctic circle playing strip poker
and it's getting colder and colder
everytime you lose

so go ahead
make your next bold move
tell us
what's the next thing you're gonna need to prove
to yourself

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17 December 2006

a little of this, a little of that... and quotes, quotes quotes!

late last night, early this morning, i decided to try that "next blog" button on blogger. i couldn't sleep and bebe was snoozing away. i looked at 50 + blogs and found a handful that were picture sites advertising so-called "HOTT" CHICKS, a few were in languages that i can't even begin to navigate, a few more were your basic day to day journals - but over 80% of them made mention of the author feeling depressed and anxious and alone while being surrounded by family and friends that love them in posts specifically dedicated to that topic.

of course, i became deeply saddened. this culture seems to breed this in us, this organic response to how empty and messed up it all can be at the core - BUY! BUY! BUY! ME! ME! ME! NOW! NOW! NOW! YOU AREN'T COOL IF YOU DON'T DO IT! WAR? WHAT WAR? WOOO-HOO! *snap snap* LOOK OVER HERE INSTEAD! IT'S A HUGE SALE! terrorists are coming to get us, the middle class is slowly disappearing, the economy is "great," but we're all a paycheck away from the streets. there is a "war" on all the wrong things. we live in a disposable world, where even life (in the most encompassing sense of the word - on every level) is also disposable. you get my drift.

so i stopped clicking the next button and went to my favorite links instead.
this caught my eye first, in a comments section:

Have a problem you are dealing with? Pick up a book, any book. Close your eyes. Open it to a random page, put your finger on it and read those few words.

Be honest about interpreting what is there, this is where a lot of people get in trouble with that because they are always looking for something that favors them.

(i'm saying not where, simply because the author of the comment was actually being fairly mean in his string of different comments that came one right after the other. but who he is really doesn't matter. you'll see. he is simply the vehicle.)


on and off - over the past couple of months - i've been reading, manifesta: young women, feminism, and the future. when i woke today, there it sat. taunting me. i remembered the above comment. i picked up the book, closed my eyes, opened it and let my finger fall. this is what was there, a quote from alice walker: "whenever i have walked a path has appeared, whenever i have knocked a door has opened."

i'm walking... i'm knocking... and synchronicity has always seemed to favor me, so be it.

***
on that note...

a new blog is in the works and i'm hoping that you all can help me get the word out - AND help me get it going. i don't know how i'll be able to accomplish what i need to do so that people will be able to post their own entries, i imagine sometimes anonymously - i think there is a guest blogger way to do that? or maybe i could have people email me their stories and i could post them? i'm getting ahead of myself... here's the basic idea.

i've been thinking a lot lately, ever since finding out about my friend's attack, about silence. audre lorde once said, "your silence won't save you" and i believe that with every inch of me. my subsequent digging into violence, (specifically sexual violence against women) and finding out that only16% of rapes are ever reported - AND that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 men will be sexually assaulted before the age of 18 equates to there being a massive void of silence where all of these stories fall. with statistics like these - we all know someone, or many someones, that have been violated and attacked. yet, we never hardly seem to hear about them or from them.

i would like to create a safe space for women to share their stories - and have links available in which people can go to for further information or help - all the while being open to be viewed by whomever should pass through. i know that some won't want to share their identities and i understand completely. i'm just at a loss at this point on how the stories can be posted up anonymously, by the author herself/himself...

so that's that. if you have any suggestions for me, please do share!

***
i've been thinking about utah phillips today, too - and some quotes that i love from the past didn't go anywhere - a joint project that he did some time ago with my girl ani difranco.

this first snippet needs the set up. he was speaking at his son's school graduation and he had promised him that he would "be good." as he approached the stage to speak, he noted the collection of suits flanking the podium - the hierarchy of the school and prominent businessmen, ".....well something inside of me snapped. And I got to the microphone and I looked out over that multitude of faces and I said something to the effect of: 'You are about to be told one more time that you are America's most valuable natural resource..... Have you seen what they do to valuable natural resources?! Have you seen a strip mine? Have you seen a clear cut in the forest? Have you seen a polluted river? Don't ever let them call you a valuable natural resource... they're going to strip your mind.. your soul...they're going to clear cut your best thoughts for the sake of profit unless you learn to resist. "Cause the profit system follows the path of least resistance and following the path of least resistance is what makes the river crooked. Hmmmm...."

this next one always gets me, right to the core:

"the stories I tell don't just come out of my own life. many of them come to me from my elders. i strained to hear them through the roar of my own ego, my own needs and desires. but when i became quiet and open to the thoughts and feelings of my elders, i learned that my life-story deepens, grows richer, by taking in the stories of those who have led extraordinary lives, lives that can never be lived again. except in memory - through mine, through yours - as the fragments of our story - lives mix and blend into a common whole, the great river of our collective memory of which we are all a part and into which each one of us will, some day, dissolve."

and finally,

i have a good friend in the east, a good singer and a good folk singer...who comes and listens to my shows and says you always sing about the past, you can’t live in the past. and i say to him, i can go outside and pick up a rock, that’s older than the oldest song you know and bring it back in here and drop it on your foot. the past didn’t go anywhere. it’s right here, right now.


i heart him.

utah speaking:


***

happy sunday, everybunny!!!

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12 December 2006

sigh.

"the need to be right all the time is the biggest bar to new ideas. it is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong than to be always right by having no ideas at all."
~edward de bono

"if you don't stand up for something, you will fall for anything."
~malcolm x


my head is swimming right now, after a long long day of a back and forth to the oddest degree. i need a check. i need a break. i need to think about who i'am, what i'am... too much negativity - in which i've been a party to. i don't like that. breathe...

my head hurts. i've lost a friend. i hope i haven't lost another. i'am a work in progress.
i don't have all the answers. i like dialogue. a lot. even when i'm not in agreement with the other. i like it especially when the dialogue doesn't feel loaded - when it is true and real and genuine, not pre-meditated and calculated. when it doesn't feel like a set-up. when it doesn't feel as if the other party involved thinks that i'm a complete idiot that needs to be shown the way.

i ain't perfect.

that is all.

carry on.

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18 November 2006

songs

i want played at my funeral. if you've never heard them, you should anyway. and you can. here. now. before i'm worm food. or worm ashes, as i'd prefer.

now don't go freaking out. i'm fine. really. i was just thinking about this today on my way to visit my grandpa in the hospital. i also decided several years ago, that i want to be dressed ridiculously funny for the visitation. i want the last laugh.





i can't find vid for the last one, so the lyrics will have to suffice...

FUEL

they were digging a new foudation in Manhattan
and they discovered a slave cemetary there
may their souls rest easy
now that lynching is frowned upon
and we've moved on to the electric chair
and i wonder who's gonna be president, tweedle dum or tweedle dummer?
and who's gonna have the big blockbuster box office this summer?
howabout we put up a wall between houses and the highway
and you can go your way , and i can go my may

except all the radios agree with all the tvs
and the magazines agree with all the radios
and i keep hearing that same damn song everywhere i go
maybe i should put a bucket over my head
and a marshmallow in each ear
and stumble around for
another dumb numb week for another hum-drum hit song to appear

people used to make records
as in a record of an event
the event of people playing music in a room
now everything is cross-marketing
its about sunglasses and shoes
or guns and drugs
you choose
we got it rehashed
we got it half-assed
we're digging up all the graves
and we're spitting on the past
and you can choose between the colors
of the lipstick on the whores
cause we know the difference between
the font of 20% more
and the font of teriakiyi
you tell me
how does it...make you feel?

you tell me
what's ...real?
and they say that alcoholics are always alcoholics
even when they're as dry as my lips for years
even when they're stranded on a small desert island
with no place within 2,000 miles to buy beer
and i wonder
is he different?
is he different?
has he changed? what's he about?...
or is he just a liar with nothing to lie about?

Am i headed for the same brick wall
is there anything i can do about
anything at all?
except go back to that corner in Manhattan
and dig deeper, dig deeper this time
down beneath the impossible pain of our history
beneath unknown bones
beneath the bedrock of the mystery
beneath the sewage systems and the path drain
beneath the cobblestones and the water mains
beneath the traffic of friendships and street deals
beneath the screeching of kamikaze cab wheels
beneath everything i can think of to think about
beneath it all, beneath all get out
beneath the good and the kind and the stupid and the cruel
there's a fire just waiting for fuel

there's a fire just waiting for fuel
there's a fire just waiting for fuel
there's a fire just waiting for fuel
there's a fire just waiting for fuel
there's a fire just waiting for fuel
there's a fire just waiting for fuel
there's a fire just waiting for fuel
there's a fire just waiting for fuel
there's a fire just waiting for fuel
there's a fire just waiting for fuel
there's a fire just waiting for fuel
there's a fire just waiting for fuel
there's a fire just waiting for fuel

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