07 August 2007

does this blog make me look fat?

kidding.

i got to thinking the other night... fancy that! this is going to be one of those process deals, so bear with me. i'll warn you - it may be all over the map, as much of this still is - in my head.

i haven't really felt like myself since bebe was born. i finally know why. yeah, i know... having a child changes everything, blah blah blah. that simply isn't enough.

i think the realization started when i went back to work. i'd been fairly insulated for a couple of years from really being in the trenches with the public... see? i'm already getting ahead of meself. let me back up a bit.

my "awakening" in my early 20's sent me reeling. it took some time, to adjust to this suddenly strange place i was born in, the one i thought was a certain way, but wasn't. nothing could've ever prepared me for the severe shock that paraded as a protest at the democratic national convention in 2000. the realization, before my own eyes, that what i had been told and taught my whole life was a farce at best, rocked me in ways that are still difficult for me to get my brain around. the few years before that (what i call my re-education - reading everything i could get my hands on, killing my television, laying off being drunk all the time) had tried to prime me - but didn't do a sufficient job. everything. was. changed.

i came back home a different person than the one i was just a week before.

i'd adjusted fairly well to all of this, made life changes and began weighing my decisions heavily as to how they would impact not only my life, but the lives of those throughout the world. and the planet.

then bebe was born.

suddenly i felt like that awkward teen all over again - completely self-conscious, vulnerable and unrecognizable to myself. i figured it was something that all women must feel, that it was part and parcel of being a mommy. but it continued on unwaveringly, up until sunday night.

ah-ha!

i had reverted to the kara that lived in the old world, and i didn't even realize it. not fully reverted, but enough to make a difference - enough to create a disjunct in myself. i had adjusted to the way the world really is when i was flying solo. i was even ok still when i got hitched. but when bebe arrived, i subconsciously tapped back into what i've always held to be true about being a mom - the stuff we compartmentalize and store away throughout life without even really thinking about it, etc. i was thinking in the "old" way - relying on archaic stereotypes and ideas that i should've known better about. i didn't question all of that enough, just accepted it and it rattled me. i've been a loner most of my life as it is, but i thought that being a mommy would automatically induct me into some super cool secret mommy club, where other mommies would be supportive and awesome. silly me.

i'am also still packing 25 more pounds that i didn't have pre-pregnancy. i reverted in this arena as well, partially. i know i eat well, get enough exercise, and that those pounds have been for a reason while nursing. but still. i wanted nothing more a year ago than to fit into my clothes. the more i thought about it, the more ridiculous it seemed - that i would worry about something of such little consequence in the grand scheme of things. i know better. and still.

which brings me to this.

i'd forgotten how incredibly self-conscious people are in general. i don't mean this in any sort of judgmental way, simply as an observation. there are literally droves of women that come into the bar and look every other woman up and down. they are constantly checking themselves in the mirror, straightening their clothes, talking badly about other women that get up from the table. what is that? who are we trying to compare ourselves to? the facade of woman that is plastered on every billboard in america? women in the t.v.? women in the magazines? worst of all, each other? and it isn't like this is a few isolated incidences, either. it makes me very sad. i hear very young girls saying all the time that they are "fat." they aren't. and so what if they are, as long as they are healthy?

truth be told, i was once one of those girls, and struggled along for years in a horrible, sometimes detrimental, relationship with food. i found that after i stopped watching television and buying publications like cosmo, i felt a hundred times better about myself. ah, make-up kara. i couldn't even leave my apartment without make up on. the day i consciously thought about it, i knew i had to do something drastic. i had to leave my house without make-up. i had to go about my life clear faced, as me - all me, in my un-made up glory. i had to stop worrying about what other people would think. i eventually felt lighter. i felt more like me. occasionally i was met with, "don't you want to look pretty? there's nothing wrong with that." if putting bat shit on my eyes makes me look pretty, no.

don't we know better by now? seriously. there are a million articles floating about various publications that tell women we are fine the way we are. the message isn't just being whispered amongst the women masses, or to ourselves as we stare in the mirror - it has gone mainstream. or has it?

dove, bless 'em, with their campaign for real beauty annoys. me. something has never set quite right with the ads. recently i was somewhere here in blogland and followed a link to a video they had posted up. it showed what a model goes through from beginning to end of make-up and airbrushing before her face hits the billboard. good on them. but the more i dug around through the site, the more irritated i became. one of their campaign ads boasts brave (?!) "real women, with real bodies and real curves." the message of course, is promoting their firming lotion. ya know, cause we're just fine the way we are, but we can all use a touch of firming, right girls? what sort of twisted mixed message does that send? to top it all off, they have put together school programs for young girls to promote self esteem... and gain access to a new market of younger women? apparently phillipe harousseau knows how women and girls think... and how to be a marketing genius. in the same breath, dove has posted up these completely disturbing statistics:


  • One-third of all girls in grades nine to 12 think they are overweight, and 60percent are trying to lose weight.
  • Only 56 percent of seventh graders say they like the way they look.2
  • Studies show that 57 percent of girls have fasted, gone on diets, used food substitutes, or smoked more cigarettes to lose weight.
  • Research also shows that messages girls receive from the media can damage their feelings of self-worth and negatively affect their behavior. More than one in four girls surveyed feel the media pressure them to have a perfect body.4
  • Girls who watch TV commercials featuring underweight models lose self-confidence and become more dissatisfied with their own bodies.5
  • As a result, girls question their own beauty: between 50 and 70 percent of girls of normal weight believe they are overweight.6


jean kilborne has done a fantastic series of videos, one of which can be viewed on her site. killing us softly 3.

and maybe, just maybe, this quest for culturally prescribed "beauty" is a symptom of a deeper dis-ease. earlier this a.m. the divine ms. m sent around an email asking people to go read a blog post written by a friend of hers. i did so. you should too.

it left me wondering, can dove's beauty products make women safe? isn't that more important ultimately than having smooth underarms and firm thighs? perhaps if we were safe, we wouldn't be fixating on what our appearance is - trying to gain control over one tiny thing in sea of injustice for women.

yesterday, sicily sue sent me a link to an article she'd read. if women were truly enjoying equality, women wouldn't be told in finance articles to "show a little skin" and to "expect sexual harassment and stay cool" to be a brazen careerist. even though the majority of those commenting thought her article was crap, it still has to stick in there somewhere, doesn't it? doesn't ALL of this?

i refuse to paint myself up to make other people more comfortable - to be a part of some sort of culturally constructed norm. i like my un-firmed thighs. i like that my underarms aren't smooth for seven consecutive days. i like me. just the way i' am. i like you just the way you are. and so should everyone else.

what i don't like is that while we continue to fixate on our appearance, countless woman will be raped, beaten, killed, or systematically abused. we will continue to not feel "good enough." we will continue to not focus on the work that remains to be done, so that our lives aren't based in some level of fear - of being ugly, of being attacked... how about a campaign for that?

but most importantly, why are we still buying into the hype -literally and figuratively?



EDITING TO ADD -- THIS JUST IN!

please go by mary's place for the details. and drop randy a line. today.

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posted by supergirlest @ Tuesday, August 07, 2007 Comments: 11

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10 December 2006

the united states of stockholm syndrome

while the term stockholm syndrome is a psychological response that is typically used to describe the phenomenon of a "hostage exhibiting loyalty to a hostage taker in spite of the danger (or risk) in which the hostage has been placed," i propose that clearly a majority of u.s. citizens must be suffering from said stockholm syndrome.

food. we continue to support companies and buy products that are poisoning us and the earth - it is widely accepted that the chemicals and pesticides used on our food that have been proven to cause cancer, but hey, we gotta eat, right? we'll just have a nice walk to find the cure for the cancer. where's the walk for root of the problem? in my neck of the woods it isn't safe at all for women of childbearing age to eat any river fish. it's been poisoned. and not by any naturally occuring thing, but from runoff from power plants and farms, that has contaminated the water. and instead of taking these companies and industries to task, we just keep buying in. stockholm syndrome.

buying ourselves into a stupor. for whatever reason. because it's cool. because we have allowed our possessions to define us. because we want to look like someone else, or everyone else wihtout looking like everyone else to fit in, tobe the status quo. because we have "made it" if we have "that dress/purse/pair of shoes. " because we want to be the first to have whatever new product hits the market. because we can buy now, pay later... remember bush, after 9/11, saying that we all need to dry our eyes and get back out there and shop to save america - to not let the terrorists win? we see the ad, we go get the product - no matter if we can afford it or not. no matter if it's made in some third world sweatshop (or one right here in the good ol u.s. of a) where people are suffering just to get by, slave laboring for 20 hours a day for pennies and the 300% mark-up is just going into the already fat pockets of those who own the wealth of the land who will turn around and put that money into some political candidate's campaign. no matter if you get beat up in the christmas sale fury that is shopping, or shot while waiting all night in a line. OR if we pile on the debt and have to work longer hours and more jobs just to keep afloat with the life we supposedly "need" and that level of keeping up results in an early grave and simply existing as opposed to living life? multi-leveled stockholm syndrome.

somehow trusting and reelecting these "representatives" that do nothing more than lie, cheat and steal. hate is a family value. war is peace. we're winning the war on terror! we're safer! jesus wants you to shop at places that will tell you "merry christmas" as you leave. these people promise us that, if elected, they will serve our best interests. i saw a sticker on a car the other day that said w. is for women. really? is that why we still make a fraction of what men do when doing the same job? is that why we're still being beaten and raped and objectified with little or no legal recourse available unless you fight your way through? is that why the culture says to end violence, but keeps creating violence? pushing out violence as a form of entertainment via television programming, video games, etc? how exactly are you for me george? and women voted for him! twice. stockholm syndrome.
(and on that same note i cannot get my brain around how any person with a darker skin tone or who claims to be a christian can vote for these pseudo-religious, racist, biggoted, prejudiced candidates. stockholm syndrome.)

the military. boot camp. stockholm syndrome.

pumping ourselves full of medications we see on the tee.vee. the damage that this is doing to the nation's psyche and collective body is beyond comprehension... but those drug companies and doctors wouldn't ever give us something that would hurt us, right? even if the drugs or vaccines DO end up hurting me or you, guess who is protected by the patriot act? the drug companies that are making the drugs and vaccines. stockholm syndrome.

believing that the media is giving us "fair and balanced" "all the news you need as it happens" news. stockholm syndrome.

the shredding of the constitution. destroying the foundation of this country to "make you safe." barely any outcry. stockholm syndrome.

any to add? post 'em if you got 'em!

p/s - when do you think that jeb bush will announce that he's running for president? and we will stockholm syndrome him into office?
p/p/s - scary thought, huh?
p/p/p/s - stranger things have happened.









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posted by supergirlest @ Sunday, December 10, 2006 Comments: 12

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