01 January 2008

just desserts

that's what me mum says, at least. you see, bebe is Very Busy. me mum just laughs and says i was the exact. same. way.

i mean, age 4 WAS a busy year for me... but...

i simply can't imagine what she's speaking of!

it can't be the time i decided that i decided i could be a mechanic. i peeled all of the sparkly stickers from mom's license plates. my toy box had asked me to - it needed some accessories. then i needed to remove the little tire valve cap thingys - they needed repairing. and of course she needed a fill-up, so i drug the garden house around the side of the house, unscrewed the gas cap, inserted the hose, then turned the water on. my mom was pulled over that week for not having stickers. they enjoyed their home on my toy box for a few days, at least. my, they were shiny.

it can't possibly be that one christmas - the one where i totaled her car. the one where i snuck out during the ensuing chaos, crawled into the floorboard of her gremlin, released the parking break and "steered" my way down my grandparent's steep-ish drive and into the neighbor's mailbox at full speed.

that poor gremlin.

it can't be the time that i decided i would also like to deliver the mail, after watching the postman come by. that time that i hopped on my tricycle, with my grubby little mitt holding a brown paper bag, and made the rounds to the houses in the cul-de-sac where my grandparents lived. no one busted me 'til the last house. they called my grams and she spent the next hour re-sorting all the mail i'd tossed in to my makeshift mail bag. suffice it to say, it was a heavy mail day.

my poor grandma.

see, we lived with my grandparents until i was 5. and as my mom was typically working three jobs to support us, it was often just gram and me. she was my second mom. she passed away in '99, and it is hard to believe it has been almost ten years... "they" say that time makes it easier, but i don't think that is always true. i ache, to my very core, whenever i think of her being not here anymore. i had a dream a few years ago that we were together. when i woke up and realized it was a dream, i felt like i did the day she died. all over again. jello biafra once said in a talk i heard him give that there is no such thing as closure. at the time, i resisted the notion, but now, i embrace it. i've found the sentiment to be quite accurate over the years - and comforting, oddly enough. i think we tend to shove people into being ok, when they aren't. and we think we should be, when we aren't.

but i digress.

i know that she would get quite a laugh at bebe's antics.

i wish they could've met each other...

i watch bebe and wonder what he'll get into when he is 4. and i shudder. just a little. but in a good way.


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