16 February 2008

move along... nothing "deep" here to see...

i need to think about other things for a minute. i need to. i was just remembering the great fire of 2006, when bebe was was an infant still, that made me laugh. laughing is good.

there's this bar i first of years ago. it has no windows. there is one lowly door out front and signage. that's it. many a friend has spent night drinking there. many. i've even had co-workers head over after a shift - at 5 in the morning. 'cause. you know. people are thirsty at 5 a.m. a musician pal of mine and a few of those aforementioned co-workers even recorded a rap about the place. if i ever figure out how to post stuff like that... i almost pee'ed myself the first time i heard it. but i digress.

i'd never been in the bar myself, somehow. i'd walked past it hundreds of times. when others would be going in, part of me wanted to take a peek, but i would never allow myself. wheni was invited along for after hours adventures, i always graciously declined. i wanted Mysterious Bar to be how it was in my head - what i'd imagined it to look like for all of those long years of hearing stories. i liked it that way. i didn't want to be disappointed. and because it had been so long, that i had successfully fought temptation, i couldn't cave.

so one night, i was working two doors down. it was me and bebe. no one had come in for an hour or so. suddenly, this dude comes busting through the front door.


i scoop up bebe and bolt out the front door. sure enough, flames were leaping into the sky above it. lots of flames. there were cars parked a few feet away. the dumpster was really close to the building.


i run back in and call 911. a machine answered and put me on hold. all operators were busy. good thing that our services are in their prime with all of the billions being spent on homeland security, eh? i mean, what if osama would've been walking down the street for crissakes?

a minute passes. i'm still on hold. i think i'd not like hearing cars go boom.

i have to make a quick decision and save the day. before i even really think about it, i'm headed to the Mysterious Bar. i fling open the door and go in.

i say, "can someone help me? the dumpster is on fire and i've been on hold with 911 for several minutes now."

the 4 patrons turned from the televised sporting event and highballs they are all hunched over and around. and when i say they turned, they s o v e r y s l o w l y turned towards me.

and what they saw was me, a baby on one hip and a phone in the other hand, up to my ear.

it was at that moment i realized i had failed.

i was standing inside the Mysterious Bar.

"OHHHHHHHH, NOOOOOO!!!" i say, slamming my eyelids shut.

but it was too late. all of those years, all of the hard work i did to avoid seeing the innards of Mysterious Bar. down the drain. just like that. never to return.


finally, one dude jumps up, 'cause he recognizes me, and dumps the remainder of the beer in his pitcher down the drain. he fills the pitcher with water and races out the door with me.

i'm still on hold, mind you, listening to a pleasant lady telling me that she knows my call is important and she is sorry for the delay.

we race around the corner to find a teeny tiny fire, somehow on the sidewalk.

right as the water pitcher dude looks at me like, "ok. you can't be serious. i dumped my beer for this?"
and the Rest of Patrons That Came Along For The Excitement looks at me like, "i got up, walked all the way out here for this?"

right as all of this is happening, the 911 operator operator picks up.

i tell her that i don't need her now, that the fire i thought was huge, was gone. that someone put it out. she said they needed to send someone anyway and transfered me to the fire department.

while i was on hold... again... i try and explain to my rescuers what had happened. how BIG it was... i don't think they bought it. although, i can't imagine what my ulterior motive could've been. pssst... i really did it so bebe could see a firetruck up close.


seriously, a lot of people lost something that night.

that dude lost his beer.
i lost my Mysterious Bar innocence.
those other dudes lost several minutes of their televised sporting event.
the firefighters lost all respect for my Fire Size Judging ability. and they laughed at me. whatevs. i was just doing my part in george bush's america for the community.

so we all just trudged back to our respective doors. i mean, we'd said everything there was to say...

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