24 November 2006

so here i'am

completely drained and unable to form coherant ramblings as of yet. i've spent a lot of time on the road, driving to and fro to see grandpa. combined with a toddler who's rhythm has been disrupted, and other happeneings that are too tender to speak about just yet, i feel very tired. i'am still here though, and reading all of your words - even if i'm not commenting.

i hope that everyone had a beautiful holiday, even if it's roots are detestable. spending time with those we love is the one thing that is always ok in my book.

yesterday, grandpa told me that he wouldn't recover, that he just knew it. i told him that i love him and that i know he's tired and that i will be ok. that i will miss him terribly, but understand if he needs to go. he's still hanging in there, but barely. his heart rate has dropped dangerously low several times while i was there yesterday, but sprung back up. he's developed an infection that is causing a fever, though they aren't certain where. he's still in ccu. i'm thankful that i've had this time with him over the last several days, to be able to talk to him, feed him ice, rub his arm and make him laugh. bebe likes to tell "paw paw bob" that he loves him and they trade off making silly faces at one another. it has to be one of the sweetest things i've ever seen. i didn't have time like this with grandma, her death was so sudden and unexpected. it is something that still haunts me to this day.

so for now, fare thee well. i'll be back with more later. you can count on it.


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