31 January 2007

as U2 so eloquently put it...

"you've got to get yourself together - you got stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it."

i'm doing MUCH better!

first and foremost - THE BIGGEST THANK YOU EVER TO ALL OF YOU THAT REACHED OUT IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS TO HELP AND COMFORT ME! it never ceases to amaze me - i haven't even met so many of you, yet you are always there in such powerful ways! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

i feel like i owe a bit more of an explanation for my last post, as it looks like i may have come off a bit wrong. maybe not wrong, but...

also, if anyone ever wants to email me, there's a link to do so in the bottom of my sidebar.
to anonymous who commented in my last post - feel free to use that! i'd like to talk to you...

ok. i've moved from being completely reactive to trying to nip this in the bud before it spirals more out of control than it already has.

i stay at home with bebe, as my finding a job would basically leave us with enough money to pay for bebe to be in what amounts to a warehouse for children.

i have no idea what all of these statistics are about, saying that unemployment is way down. lies lies and damn lies - as if there are jobs growing like trees.

it disgusts me that the one thing that i care least about in the world, money, is causing all of this.

i know it isn't "socially acceptable" to speak of such things, but then again, when i have i ever been socially acceptable? i hope that by talking about this, maybe someone will have an idea that i don't know about... here goes. we're in a spot now where we may lose our home through foreclosure - we are falling short income-wise, though we are only barely covering the basics. realizing how close we were to the edge a few days ago, sent me over the edge. "we are all a paycheck away" came home to roost. when i spoke to our lender, they said one late payment would result in foreclosure, that they won't work with us. we've thought of selling, but it isn't a seller's market and our house needs a bit of work to be able to get out of it what we've put in.

i watched my mom really struggle when i was small, i remember there being little or no food in the house and moving a lot. the thought of bebe ever having to know what that was like scares me to no end. much of what has occurred now is really out of my/our control for the time being, which makes it all the much harder... i don't even know that i'd be so worried if it wasn't for bebe, ya know? it owuld be one think if it were just will and i, but...

i've spent yesterday and today on the phone trying to figure out what our options are at this point. it looks like there are a few that we haven't tried yet. . re-financing isn't an option as of right now, but taking out yet another loan might be (though i have some serious questions about doing so). we're still hoping that the magical dream job will appear - it isn't for lack of trying, that's for sure. of course i know that so many in the world are in way worse of a position in life than we are - it makes me feel even more ridiculous for worrying/freaking out like i'am.

so that's that.

i'm working on it.

and i mean this with all of my heart when i say that knowing there are so many out there pulling for us in this tough time has made all the difference in the world while i've sat here and tried to figure out what is what. i don't know how i could ever thank you all enough! i'am touched by the outpouring that came that i never expected.


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