28 December 2006

hill made me do it.

don't you love how i've passed the proverbial buck two days in a row?

i posted this little story up over on hill's blog yesterday in response to her post about superstitions - specifically the one that involves the tossing of salt upon being gifted with knives. it made her laugh really hard. i'm a fan of laughing really hard, so here it is again. :) with the parts i left out over there so my comment wouldn't be the size of a novel, of course!

NOW you tell me about the knives and salt! 'splains why the housewarming steak knives turned on me. i ended up sticking one through my hand while de-pitting an avocado (shut up! i thought everyone did it that way!), ended up perfectly severing a nerve, had to have full on knock out surgery to repair it on september 12th, 2001. dirty dirty knives. still don't have all the feeling back in my hand. dirty dirty surgeon.

the best part was at the e.r. - the doc in training was asking me all sorts of bizzaro questions after we had sat there for 2 hours waiting, gushing blood, and i finally said "what exactly are you getting at?"

sheepishly he said, "well, i need to assess if this was a suicide attempt."

to which i replied, "what? by stigmata? JUST SEW ME UP ALREADY!"

he disappeared behind the curtain to the sink, which he turned on full blast. will looked at me and said, "he's cleaning off the saw."

he came back around, fully scrubbed and rubber gloved.

he tried to numb the area, but didn't realize how deep i'd gone in. i've never felt that kind of pain before - like when he high pressure flushed out the wound to clean it. he seriously sat back after i screamed, " AHHHHHH! i can feel that!!!!" and said, "oh god! oh god! you shouldn't have felt that! why did you feel that?!"

my utter shock at his lack of composure when he was supposed to be my rock made the pain go away.

he numbed the area deeper, cleaned it, and called for the attending to come have a poke around inside. (coolest thing i've ever seen! i put that knife in close to an inch deep - i could see every layer of everything!) after she gave him the go-ahead, he prepared the 'needle' and 'thread.' he managed, with much difficulty due to his shaking hand (mental note - question going to a teaching hospital, no matter how close to the house it is in the future) to get the needle through the skin on one side of the wound. the poor kid was literally sweating and wiping his brow with his sleeve every couple of seconds, as he poked and re-poked. he started to poke the needle through the other side of the wound when HE BROKE THE NEEDLE OFF IN MY HAND(!!!!!) which of course sent him into another round of "oh godding" and profuse apologies.

...and my other rock, will, only almost passed out 4 times during the ordeal...

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