18 October 2007


i can't begin to thank you all enough for your kind words on yesterday's post! it means the world to me... i feel like i've been crying all day.

bebe did great. there was a buzz lightyear there that he was able to take back with him when they took him. we got one quick glance over the shoulder and he was off, pushing buzz's lazer button all the way down the hall. i, on the other hand, made a beeline for the pisser and cried for 10 minutes.

coming out of it was difficult for him. i'd prepared him for what was going to happen until they took him, but not after. he was crying so hard when we got to him in recovery, he was close to hyperventilating. he managed to choke out, "mommy, i want to go home now." and so we did. his whole little world was set topsy turvy! he was only out for about 30 minutes.

i'm so glad this was all done at a hospital, though. fade, she'll be in good hands. and since she's older, it may be easier for her, ya know? definitely take the little pre-op tour party thing they should offer you. we don't have dental insurance, but our medical covered the hospital portion. i think. they told me it would on the phone... we shall see.

my results of my mammogram and ultrasound were waiting for me in the mailbox when we got home. the radiologist sent them to me, with his recommendations. through the huge medical words, i made out category 4 and serious and IMMEDIATE BIOPSY. i couldn't get my doc or a nurse on the line, so i went scrounging about to decipher it on my own. basically, a category 5 is a definite malignancy, cancer. 4 is no bueno. more tears. i called again and left another message. i finally got a call from a nurse. she wanted to schedule another procedure, due to a pap coming back bad again. she didn't even mention the radiology results. i asked her about it and asked why the doctor hadn't called me when he got the results. if it took two days to get here in the mail... she said it was in his inbox, but he hadn't gotten to it yet. (?!?!) she said his nurse would call me. she said they might bypass the biopsy and just remove it. i want it gone. now. i waited all afternoon for the call that never came and then left for school to take my midterm exam. more tears.

i'm scared. and angry that this hasn't been monitored more closely and that i pretty much had to press them into taking a closer look. i'm pissed that i wasn't called, that i had to read this scary ass letter first. it's probably better if i don't write about it anymore tonight. i need distance. and i desperately need sleep.


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